textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
