in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
