I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
