I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
