No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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