I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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