No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Buhtt sex?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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