I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
