Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
