the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
