I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
