she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
