It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
