Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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