dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
