Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
