All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
