We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
