I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
