Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
