I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
