I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
