I'm eating all of the evidence.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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