IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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