I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
