Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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