i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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