Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
