no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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