Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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