I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
