i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
