Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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