I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Brb crying the tears of my youth
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
