Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
