I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
