Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
