he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
