Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
