My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
