So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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