my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
