my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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