If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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