You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We are all done wearing pants today
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
