separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
