ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
