Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
