I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
