feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
