I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
