he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
